For Louis, his brother's fall into the river Thames happened in slow motion.

Before he could even consciously make a decision, he was running towards the river, jumping in and starting to swim. Trying to put as much power as he could in each stroke, even when he speed up his usual stroke speed.

Unlike him, his brother did not yet know how to swim.

He ignored the rest of the people in the river. He ignored the screaming from the riverside. Only one person was important.

When he reached him, he had to dive in, dragging his brothers from underwater. He dragged him up, hugging hm tight.

His brother was coughing. Alive. Well.

The position and the coughing did made it hard for him to swim. Yet releasing his brother was unacceptable. What was he supposed to do instead?

The memory from his swimming lessons floated in his mind, and he forced himself to unclench his grip, rotating his brother around, until he had him placed on hop of his hip with the back against him.

"Louis?" A bewilderment in his voice. How so unlike his brother.

What did Albert say at that time? It is easier to swim with the current.

Louis glanced around. The current had already separated them from the rest of the group, as he could only see them at the distance. He would need to swim to the shore. Which one is closer? That one?

He started to swim towards the one he picked. He swam, he kicked, he tried to approach it. No matter what he did, it did not come any closer. All he managed to do was keep them both afloat. Going down the river with the flow.

That is problematic. He needed to get his brother on dry land. Before he tires himself too much and drown them both.

The clothes had also tried to drag them under, like the heavy training weights Jack made them wear.

He never made them swim with them.

His breath had started to become laboured. He needed to think. He could not let his brother down now. No matter how bad the situation.

"Louis." His brother was trying to keep his face above the water. Otherwise he forcefully relaxed in Louis grip and Louis could still feel the tension in the body. "Let me go. Save yourself."

"Never!" Louis had no intention of giving up. He could not imagine a life without his brother.

"We will both drown." The coughing shook his body, making Louis work harder to continue to hold him.

"Even so..." Louis could feel his legs become heavier and heavier.

"You won't hold." He gripped his hand around him and tried to wiggle out from it.

Why was his brother so stubborn?

There was a sound of somebody coming up for air next to them. "How long can you still hold on, Louis?"

Albert. Albert was here. Louis could feel such a relief, body loosing too much tension, making both himself and his brother disappear underwater.

As soon as the water entered his mouth, he could then feel the dragging up, being pulled up to the surface. Breaking it, he started coughing. He leaned on Albert's shoulder, one of his hands moving to support him and keep him up.

He looked at the side, his brother right next to him, his back to Albert's chest this time. The were moving, drifting. Very slowly coming closer to the shores. Making more progress with both of them, than Louis could make with only his brother.

Still, keeping both of them afloat could not have been easy for Albert.

"I am alright." Louis said. "You can let me go and get William to the shore first."

"Louis." William said, a warning in his voice.

"Are you sure?" He said, even as he slacked his hand holding Louis up already. Still there in case of problems.

Louis pushed himself away from Albert, starting to swim next to him. Alone, he could mostly handle these waters.

Albert still hovered close by, looking ready to help at the first sign of trouble. Louis could have said something - he can take care of himself, he doesn't need their protectiveness. Instead he instead concentrated on getting to the shore as quickly as possible, making strong strokes.

The sooner they get back, the sooner he can stop that.

Albert, even holding his brother up, easily kept pace with Louis until they reached the shore.

They helped each other from the river. Only then did Louis notice, that Albert was in his pants.

"Home?" Albert said.

"The clothes..." Louis started. Stopped at glance from his brother and Albert's shaking head.

"Doesn't matter." Albert said. "I can pick them up later."

The flow of the river did made them come close to the village with their boarding rooms. It was a shorter, silent walk, then their usual walk from Eton. They were there in a jiffy.

Albert ushered them both inside, and then ushered them both into the bathroom.

He was trying to leave, when his brother pointed out the obvious thing: "It will bother you, if you don't wash as well." Making all of them wash together, before ending up in the main room with the fireplace.

Albert quickly busied himself. The fire was started. The pile of blankets was collected, burring the two of them under them. Where did Albert found all of these? Albert turned around. He wasn't going to get more of them, right? They had too many already. "Albert, don't suffocate us with blankets." Louis said, even though there was laughter in his voice. This was ridiculous.

What were this blankets supposed to do anyway? If it is for warming them, they had way to many. They would not be the best protection against other possible threats.

He expected that Albert will join them under, after making aware of this. Albert instead froze for a second. Albert didn't have such a strong tick, so Louis had problems deciphering it. Then Albert collected himself and said: "I will make some hot chocolate." He left the room without looking at them.

Louis looked at his brother, who was looking at the door where Albert disappeared from. He quickly noticed Louis looking at him and smiled. "It is warmer closer to the fireplace" He said, as both of them unburied themselves from the blankets, creating a nest from them nearer to the fireplace.

By the time they were finishing, Albert came back with three large cups and a plate of cookies. Giving both of them their own cup, before joining them on the blanket nest.

Each of them ended up covered with at least one blanket. Louis inhaled the bitter aroma of the hot chocolate. Taking a sip, he burned his lips. He ended up holding it in his hands, warming them.

"Louis, when did you learn how to swim?" William said, his eyes sparkling. He sounded impressed.

"At the lake house." Louis said. He did not want to be more specific - they only went to the lake house once, when his brother wanted some time away to prepare himself for pretending to be somebody else at Eton.

Louis still did not like this fact. "I asked Albert to teach me" In the mornings when William was still sleeping from exhaustion.

"Albert can then teach me as well?" William turned to Albert.

There was no reaction. Louis looked at Albert, who was simply looking at his cup in his lap.

"Albert?" William asked, with less cheer in his voice. Again, no reaction. His brother reached with his hand to cup Albert's hands.

Albert twitched, and if not for the hold on his hand, he would have burned himself with the chocolate. Albert opened his mouth, yet nothing came up. He closed them.

His brother put away his cup and then slowly took Albert's away as well. Who let him. He took both of Albert's hands into his. "You are shaking." He noted with the wrinkled nose.

Albert shut his eyes tights. He bit his bottom lips. Even Louis could see how Albert was shaking through the whole body.

Louis wanted to sigh. How like Albert, that he would be worried abut warming them, yet cold himself. Then looked closer.

Albert was sweaty.

He noticed a glance from his brother, understanding the ask in them. He came closer and put his hands on top of theirs.

Albert was burning.

His breathing getting noticeably more laboured.

"Albert?" William now called in a low voice. "Can you match your breathing to my voice? In.... Out.... In... Out..."

Louis did not see much difference at first. Then he noticed that Albert was matching his breathing to William's words. It took a couple of minutes, until he calmed down enough to control his breathing and stop shaking.

They celebrated this change with the glance at each other with a smile. Louis was not sure what this was about. He still rolled his eyes in response, trying to break the tension in the room.

Albert turned his head away. "I apologise. I think I would better..." he started to stand up. Both of them dragged him down with force. Albert probably did not expect that, since he did not compensate with his force, tumbling in top of them. He simply stayed there simply moving a bit away to not put too much weight on them.

Like they could not handle that.

To Louis, this was not making much sense. "What was that!?" he asked. He ignored the small glare next to him. This was important.

If Albert would start acting like that when it mattered, it would be a problem. His brother could get hurt.

"Nothing." Albert said, looking at the blankets below his face.

"It didn't look like nothing." His brother followed.

Albert pursed his lips. He just must have been really unruffled, if he was that readable.

"We are all James Moriarty, right?" Louis pointed out.

Albert exhaled, taking a couple of second. "I just..." he started. Then stopped. Paused. He raised himself, still not looking at any of them. "Will?" he than asked.

"Yes?"

There was a quiet for a couple of second, both of them waiting Albert out. Until he spoke. "I know I have promised my everything to you. I do have a request about it."

Louis wanted to say something, the bump from the side asked him to be silent.

"Please, use my life first." Albert was shutting his eyes again. He looked like he did not want to look at something. "Let me not be the last one remaining."

There was a pause from all of them. Louis was not expecting this, so he looked at his brother for guidance. Who was deeply considering something.

What was there to consider? He considered this a perfectly normal request.

We should be planning for all of them to survive.

Then the consideration changed into the determination. He leaned on Albert's shoulder. "I can't control the future." he said. "But I promise that I will never plan for you to be the only one that survives."

Something in this words bothered Louis. He could not point to what. He waived this away, as he followed the cuddling example. He fought the urge to say something silly to break this atmosphere. Both of them were too serious.

He reached to his brother's hand over Albert's chest.

That was also nice.

After minutes passed, Louis could feel Albert's hands started to enclosed and hold them. His touch was light, like they were some breakable china.

Louis simply snuggled closer. Albert was warm and comfortable. His brother hold was firm and, the most important, was here alive and well.

Everything else can wait.

This is my submission to current 'Here There Be Genders: A Gender Exploration Carnival' on the topic of Gendered Colors.

Looking back on my childhood, I don't remember the gendered colours having much effect on me. Was I aware, that blue was for the boys and pink was for the girls? Probably. I know boys were more frequently dressed in blue or had blue room. For the girls it was pink.

The difference was drastically enlarged on the television - there it seemed like this was the colour for each gender and no other colour exists.

Still, nobody noted on this. I liked the blue and green colours the most. Nobody commented on the girl wearing blue.

Though I don't remember if any of the boys ever wore pink. If they would, would anybody commented on that?

Not that other gendered expectations did not exist. Comments about other forms were present. Colours were simply not one of them.

Instead, in my childhood, the colours were more connected to other concepts.

The green was for Ljubljana, the curtsey of the Ljubljana football team named after the city dragon. The purple was for Maribor, also the curtsey of their football team. We even call them by one of the names for the colour purple in my language.

That was true even considering how less interested we are in football compared to the majority of other nations.

The white and red were associated with the political fractions. The red were socialists/communists, and the white were the people supporting church. Division coming from the second world war, where the fractions were called my the colours.

At least we forgot the colours associated with the Nazism and Fascism and other fractions in that time, because then additional colours would be tainted with politics, like the colour blue.

Even a decade ago, people would still categorise people on the white and red and each person had to be one. If one was against the church, that means they were communist and vice versa. Some people acted like the other options simply did not exist.

Of course, combining the two of them in the squared pattern gave one a stronger association with Croatia then with the politics. They embraced the squared pattern on their flag also in their everyday life.

I think the binaries between the red/white and green/purple here are a lot stronger than pink/blue one.

When it comes to my own decisions, I don't consider the connection between the gender and the colours when picking my decor, my clothes or the gifts. Well, the gifts are usually sweets, where the colour is not usually the defining factor.

The closest I come to is wearing black pants because of my sex, not my gender. In case I forgot about the start of my period, the black hides the blood leakage better than any other colour. A lot easier to hide any potential drop before I find the pads and a space to use them.

I am not even sure, what kind of feeling would trying to use these give me. Was I supposed to feel more girly with the pinky clothes? And what exactly does it mean to feel more girly? Was I supposed to feel more manly in the dark blue shirt? And what exactly does it mean to feel more manly?

Would other colours supposed to make me feel more feminine? Like... I don't know, red? Also, what exactly does it mean to feel more feminine?

Not like I don't get the connection between colours and concepts. I always loved the colour green. Learning about the association between green or aromanticism or green and my favorite character makes me like it even more. I sometimes notice it or wear it and feel happiness and pride.

Is that how other people feel with the feminine or masculine colours? Is that feeling also simply the feeling of connectedness of pride, of happiness?

Or is it something different?

If using the colours based on gender or sex brings other people joy, then I don't see why I need to stand in a way of that. They can continue using them in that way.

I simply don't understand what they see in it.

This post was written for the current Ace Carnival on the topic of Sexual Healthcare

What happens if advice is based on the supposed normal milestones, that small minority never reaches?

In the primary school, we had a part of the day dedicated to the sexual education. I think it might have been 8th or 7th grade. We discussed multiple topics.

I still have people joking with me, that the trauma of seeing the diseased penises in that lecture is what turned me ace. It did looked like lichens was on them.

We also discussed the visits to the gynaecologists. A person was to visit the gynaecologist for the first time preferably before their first sex, or at least soon after.

Which I remembered. And then waited. Toward the end of high school, I realised that maybe I should be feeling that desire to have sex. Except there was nothing. I dealt with this problem, eventually deciding that maybe it simply wasn't for me.

That meant, that the whole rule of when I was supposed to visit gynaecologists, even if I was to visit them, did not really apply to me.

When I was at the university, I asked somebody to ask their gynaecologists about it. I got the answer back. If I was sexually inactive and had no problems, then I did not need regular checkups. The problems being like the weird colour or weird quantity of the vaginal discharge. Or if that space was itchy.

As far as I could see, I had none of these problems. So I could ignore this problem for some additional years.

I am in the first half of my thirties. I know that I eventually want to have children, preferably biological ones. Which does means that no matter what path I take, I will probably need to find one and start going there.

I have to admit, that I am afraid of it. The women I talked to told me, that it is a bit uncomfortable, which is expected, since nobody wants something metal down there.

I am not sure how it was supposed to work. I have touched myself down there. I don't know how it is for other people, but there isn't a big enough hole to insert anything.

Is it because I am still a virgin? I know that when I read erotica, the fingers simply seemed to slid inside and touch the insides. I don't know how this was supposed to work in practice? Where?

I didn't see other people's, so I am not sure how different it is.

That seems like it could be a problem. Either I am completely misunderstanding my anatomy or there is something different.

While I am satisfied with my current doctor and dentist, I did have problems with the previous ones. I am not sure I want to go through something like that again.

That fear is something I will have to deal with myself. Theoretically, I still have multiple years for me to get over it, and hopefully I will be able to do eventually.

So let me say, that there is a lot of negative future imagining involved in my experience of taking care of my sexual health. Do I sometimes wish, that this would have been something I got used to a decade ago? Sure. I simply don't live in this reality.